Hillsong Live..and then the attack..

So wow...the last couple days were awesome. I got an awesome opportunity to go to Lexington, Kentucky with 6 other young adults and 1 youth from church. We went to see the Hillsong Live worship team. Not a Hillsong Concert. There is a difference. Anyway, we got to the church about 9:15 monday morning..and once everyone else finally got there ..we loaded up the van...and headed towards Lexington. We started off at the worst place ever to eat breakfast...or any meal...Mcdonald's. :) After that, we were on our way. It took about 3 hours for someone to speak up about having to use the bathroom. haha. We were made it down to southern IN and that's where you get to go through 3 states way too quickly...through OH..then back to IN..and then into KY haha. Once we got into Lexington, it was so beautiful...the buildings, houses, the scenery...it was all amazing. And then we got to the church and it was huge ... however the worship center we were in wasn't as big. haha. but the people we talked to said every sunday they get about 10,000 people. but anyway...we got to the hotel..settled down...got some wendys..and back to the church. We got there and there wasn't very many people in line so that was awesome. So Hillsong started out with Freedom is Here and it only got better from there. God's presence was definitely in that place...So after the worship..we went to IHOP..and for only 3 tables ... business was not too quick. We were asking for our bills before we got our food hahah. So after finally eating...we went to the hotel. Sleep was only looking promising for about 3 hours...i mean that's after you cut out the time of dealing with the youth that we brought. He decided to put shaving cream on our door....yeah. So not too long after going to bed we were waking up and getting ready to hit the road .. at 4:30am. I slept a little bit of the car ride but once it started getting light there was no hope haha. So the car ride home was good..we took the same road almost 200 miles .. with brakes that were pretty much going out...metal on metal. But the mini van survived and we made it home at about 10:30...and I had to work at 11. ha!

So onto the attack...

Ever get that awesome worship experience and then what do you know..the devil is knocking on your door the next day. Well yup...he came knocking and I pretty much just let him in...

Last night..after InterVarsity I went to the end of the small group i'm in at church. I was already super tired from pretty much no sleep but man...let me tell you what...the enemy could not hold back...trying to get to me by getting me to think that there's no way I belong at Envision. No one really likes me..they are just doint their christian duty of appreciating me and being my friend. And if I left...would I be noticed probably not. That's all that has been going through my head ever since last night. And of course I have a day off today so thinking is all I've been doing! Now the enemy is hopefully wrong...I'm pretty sure of it..but man...that's tough stuff to go against...especially when I've been gone all summer..and I come back and everyone tells me numerous times how good it is to have me back...but is it? and then today..my mom is just telling me all about her knee replacement surgery..and i'm not going to lie...my attitude was a little eh...why? because shes asking me to take all these days off so i can go to all these dr appts with her and then the surgery and then everyday i have to be home with her but SOMEHOW i'm supposed to be paying my bills AND her back for whatever she decides i owe her for...this is where i wish i would have grown up being best friends with my mom... :/ but anyway..i got called selfish by her to my face....and that's where i had to step back and ask..am i really being selfish? hmm...i dont know. i really don't know..

all this .. on top of realizing... that guy from camp. yeah...he doesn't talk to me anymore. camp can come back anytime please! oh well. why am i worrying about stupid stuff.....i need some Jesus.... :)

Maybe one worth reading...

So it's clearly been a long time since I have posted a blog on here..mainly because I started using tumblr. But I feel like I might like this one more than that....we'll see...this is my blog i just posted very recently...

Maybe one worth reading :)

Oh life…I have caught myself saying that a lot lately…life life life…what is this life we are living? Who are we living it for? Anybody? I mean for myself I know WHO I’m living it for…God. But, when I sit back and do the self examination scripture tells us to do…am I satisfied? Is God satisfied? Man, to me that is pretty hard to drink in. This summer working at camp…I went in full on with so much joy to serve God along with the rest of the staff. However, it is SO easy to lose track of that…so easy to just get in the swing of .. I have to do it because this is my summer job. It’s still just a job. When I sat back to look at my life at the end of week 5(week 2 for that thing)…I was frustrated…sooo frustrated. I was hurt. I was burnt out. I was ready to be done. And why? Because I wasn’t in the word like I should have been. I was using excuses like I needed that extra sleep in the morning to get through that 8am-12am day…I’m so busy during the day I don’t have time to stop and do that. Those are 2 horrible excuses just so you know :) So that night at the end of That Thing’s week 2 I just got so fed up with how I had been acting all summer. So stuck in a stupid crush…stuck in trying to fit in with the rest of the staff…which meant going along their side gossiping…getting involved with the drama…whatever i could feed off of to just fit in. Yeah…that will just make you feel like hell in the end. I ended spending 3 hours with God and myself that night and the next morning..I woke up in the best attitude all summer. Who knew right? :) So of course I wanted to hate myself for not getting to that point with God before getting completely drained…emotionally…spritually..and physically…because let me tell you what..after an hour of running..and hour of walking and an hour in my car…there were definitely tears flowing at some points. It was much needed…let me just say..the last week of camp…was…amazing :) well if you have gotten to the point where you are still reading..umm..congratulations! however, I’m going to keep going because it’s something I need to get off my heart. I’m going to switch gears…something else on my heart…WHY? oh WHY? do we have to convince ourselves of things that are just silly dumb things to get our hearts set on….you know girls..like those crushes where we TOTALLY see us with that person but the guy TOTALLY doesn’t see it. I feel like i’m in that situation right now. You know..you talk all summer…you fall into the trap of having that crush…and then…you can’t get yourself out of it….and then after camp is over you come home to watch your favorite movies. A few of them for example: He’s just not that into you, 27 dresses, The Holiday, and Serendipity…ok you can put Camp Rock in there too :)… and of course after watching them over and over again before…they didn’t hit me like they do now. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m getting older..or the fact that i for once..legitimately really like this guy…i don’t know..but…all of their story lines are so similiar….and of course all end up the same way. the girl gets the guy. so of course that gets my hopes us..which is well…bad news bears…because i feel like it’s going to end up the same way…not happening. normally it’s…he likes another girl…he ends up being gay…he’s taken by another girl..or he just doesn’t date. well the last one is the problem with me…he doesn’t date. but even if he started to…i’d still have no chance. see before i keep rambling on about this…why do we do this to ourselves?  i won’t make the first move. ha. so whoever God has for me..they better have both of those qualities :) anywho…that was some kind of rant…ha. i think i might end this now. comment if you want. i think you can…i dont know how to use this thing really. haha.