Maybe one worth reading :)
Oh life…I have caught myself saying that a lot lately…life life life…what is this life we are living? Who are we living it for? Anybody? I mean for myself I know WHO I’m living it for…God. But, when I sit back and do the self examination scripture tells us to do…am I satisfied? Is God satisfied? Man, to me that is pretty hard to drink in. This summer working at camp…I went in full on with so much joy to serve God along with the rest of the staff. However, it is SO easy to lose track of that…so easy to just get in the swing of .. I have to do it because this is my summer job. It’s still just a job. When I sat back to look at my life at the end of week 5(week 2 for that thing)…I was frustrated…sooo frustrated. I was hurt. I was burnt out. I was ready to be done. And why? Because I wasn’t in the word like I should have been. I was using excuses like I needed that extra sleep in the morning to get through that 8am-12am day…I’m so busy during the day I don’t have time to stop and do that. Those are 2 horrible excuses just so you know :) So that night at the end of That Thing’s week 2 I just got so fed up with how I had been acting all summer. So stuck in a stupid crush…stuck in trying to fit in with the rest of the staff…which meant going along their side gossiping…getting involved with the drama…whatever i could feed off of to just fit in. Yeah…that will just make you feel like hell in the end. I ended spending 3 hours with God and myself that night and the next morning..I woke up in the best attitude all summer. Who knew right? :) So of course I wanted to hate myself for not getting to that point with God before getting completely drained…emotionally…spritually..and physically…because let me tell you what..after an hour of running..and hour of walking and an hour in my car…there were definitely tears flowing at some points. It was much needed…let me just say..the last week of camp…was…amazing :) well if you have gotten to the point where you are still reading..umm..congratulations! however, I’m going to keep going because it’s something I need to get off my heart. I’m going to switch gears…something else on my heart…WHY? oh WHY? do we have to convince ourselves of things that are just silly dumb things to get our hearts set on….you know girls..like those crushes where we TOTALLY see us with that person but the guy TOTALLY doesn’t see it. I feel like i’m in that situation right now. You know..you talk all summer…you fall into the trap of having that crush…and then…you can’t get yourself out of it….and then after camp is over you come home to watch your favorite movies. A few of them for example: He’s just not that into you, 27 dresses, The Holiday, and Serendipity…ok you can put Camp Rock in there too :)… and of course after watching them over and over again before…they didn’t hit me like they do now. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m getting older..or the fact that i for once..legitimately really like this guy…i don’t know..but…all of their story lines are so similiar….and of course all end up the same way. the girl gets the guy. so of course that gets my hopes us..which is well…bad news bears…because i feel like it’s going to end up the same way…not happening. normally it’s…he likes another girl…he ends up being gay…he’s taken by another girl..or he just doesn’t date. well the last one is the problem with me…he doesn’t date. but even if he started to…i’d still have no chance. see before i keep rambling on about this…why do we do this to ourselves? i won’t make the first move. ha. so whoever God has for me..they better have both of those qualities :) anywho…that was some kind of rant…ha. i think i might end this now. comment if you want. i think you can…i dont know how to use this thing really. haha.
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