So the message at church this morning from Sherry was just like...wow...hello....that's what's wrong with me!!!! I'm so involved with my SELF and worrying about ME...and God is being tossed to the side except for when it's convient for Him to be noticed. Why am I doing this??? I could say it's from friends being not so great influence in my life...yet I feel like they are making me a better person...but are they? In what way...bettering myself...but what about bettering my relationship with God? Is that happening. I honestly can't say...I feel like my life has been a constant storm lately. I'm in a constant battle of how I feel...how I look...where God wants me. I'm praying for guidance...but am I listening? I'm struggling fitting in with people at church....I constantly ask myself why don't I get treated like her? What does she have that I don't that attracts so much attention. But maybe that's it...maybe I'm worrying so much about it that I'm not worthy of having that attention. I get verbally attacked by my Mom...my dad favors my twin sister more....i spent too much time worrying way too much...comparing myself...just digging the hole myself down to rock bottom. I need to spend some much needed time with God...I am almost wondering how I got there before...

I pray everyday all day long....I read the word.....I help other people out...I thank God everyday for the job that I have that I don't particularly enjoy...so what am I doing wrong??? Am I holding onto God .. but not letting go of all my stuff at the same time? I don't know....

Passion Conference is in 5 days...and I think my heart is in for a treat...