do something now..

i am so astounded with how God is working through me...it's so crazy!

i went to passion conference to start off the new year and i'm still processing it all and oh my goodness...the stuff God keeps putting in my mind and on my heart....i cannot begin to explain without jumping up and down my joy i have...the heartbreak i have...it's incredibly unexplainable...

WE HAVE GOT TO DO SOMETHING NOW!!!! There are children starving...there are families in poverty...there are people getting fired from their jobs and people getting divorced daily. We have so many opportunities to put a check in an envelope and send it to an organization and have them take care of it...which is so good! BUT...what about those who are in our own neighborhood...our own city....those living on the streets...those struggling to get loans to pay for their house...what are we going to do about our own city. Jesus is on the move..and it's not just around the area of common injustices like Haiti, India, Africa...He is in our own city trying to restore our own living areas!!! There are homeless people who hold signs asking for work...or money. No matter how drunk, how high, how mentally ill they are...the face above that sign is a HUMAN. Jesus was a HUMAN..He lived on this earth..he died on this earth...that is what we are doing people!!! We have the same opportunity to teach people the word...to share the love and to GIVE HOPE!!!! And that hope isn't through giving people money and sending them on their way..that Hope is Jesus and showing them that they have a PURPOSE in this world....people we cannot sit and wait for our neighbor to do something!! We have to do it NOW...however you choose to do it...it doesn't matter how small or how big just DO IT....

i'm pumped and i don't want this fire to die down so better believe i'm grabbing people and bringing them with me :) 

Change your thoughts and you change your world

So my friend let me borrow this book...and this book might be what I need to read. it's called God winks...I read half of it last night at starbucks but unfortunately they closed so I had to stop. It has stories of people who thought they could never accomplish anything..who were given the hope that they were going to fail...but after much hard work and dedication...have made it to the top. it's encouraging stories...but it talks about how it's because they had passions when they were younger...and that sparked what they are doing now.

See, when I was younger...my passion was helping people and singing..that's still what it is today...but where is it going??? Church, home, friends...but maybe it should go more extreme...somehow. So when I got home from Starbucks...I emailed the person in charge of Destiny Rescue...an organization to help end child trafficking...mainly in the areas of Thailand and Cambodia. I mean...that's extreme right? :) 

I'm tired of not being called back from jobs..or calling them and then not getting a call back "we will get back to you..." no you won't so don't get my hopes up! If there isn't a job except Arby's for me here then there has to be one somewhere else...and I want to find it..

Today I have a day off...I'm gonna try this job search thing again I guess....but first...I am going to the gym...running errands and spending time with my God..and of course getting ready for Passion...we leave Friday morning at 6:30am..

Not sure what to expect so I'm just going down with an open heart and an open mind. We'll see....I'm excited to see what God does.

I need to get to that gym ... 

"For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin--because anyone who has died has been freed from sin." --- Romans 6:6-7

So the message at church this morning from Sherry was just like...wow...hello....that's what's wrong with me!!!! I'm so involved with my SELF and worrying about ME...and God is being tossed to the side except for when it's convient for Him to be noticed. Why am I doing this??? I could say it's from friends being not so great influence in my life...yet I feel like they are making me a better person...but are they? In what way...bettering myself...but what about bettering my relationship with God? Is that happening. I honestly can't say...I feel like my life has been a constant storm lately. I'm in a constant battle of how I feel...how I look...where God wants me. I'm praying for guidance...but am I listening? I'm struggling fitting in with people at church....I constantly ask myself why don't I get treated like her? What does she have that I don't that attracts so much attention. But maybe that's it...maybe I'm worrying so much about it that I'm not worthy of having that attention. I get verbally attacked by my Mom...my dad favors my twin sister more....i spent too much time worrying way too much...comparing myself...just digging the hole myself down to rock bottom. I need to spend some much needed time with God...I am almost wondering how I got there before...

I pray everyday all day long....I read the word.....I help other people out...I thank God everyday for the job that I have that I don't particularly enjoy...so what am I doing wrong??? Am I holding onto God .. but not letting go of all my stuff at the same time? I don't know....

Passion Conference is in 5 days...and I think my heart is in for a treat...

Strong Enough- Matthew West

So for Christmas today....it started out nice...got some good gifts...spent time with my mom, sister, and her boyfriend. then lunch/dinner came around...it was going sooo good. lots of laughter and good stories...then i mentioned getting something with my refund check...because it's been something i've needed...and then my mom comes up with...i don't think so...i need 500 dollars that you owe me (from random stuff that adds up differently every time somehow) .. and then more stuff keeps coming up....before I know it I'm getting attack after attack and I don't know what else to do besides be quiet and sit there....well it has come to this..I'm sitting in my room...on Christmas Day.....I'm crying...it's calmed down from the sobbing that was there...but I'm crying....

They say honor your mother and father. I try my best and when I do I get attacked on with words. These words are engraved in my head....these words that I should believe are lies...but are they? I mean...I really could lose weight...if I were smarter I really could get a better job than Arby's...and then I could make enough money to be responsible. I mean....are they lies? Or truths that need to be said in order for me to realize what I'm really looking at in the mirror?

This video .. it was sent at me in perfect timing ... and now I'm sharing it with you....

I'm learning so much this Christmas season. I'm broke and couldn't get any presents....but I got so many from my mom and sister. And of course...that just makes me feel like a failure...but so does having a job that entitles me asking "would you like fries with that?"

I'm struggling friends.

just pray...

All your pain
Will be made mine
All your troubles
The tears you cry
Give it up
All that binds
I will place it on my shoulders
And up this hill I’ll climb
Father, give me strength
I know there is no other way
I lay down my life for you
This is the moment when all will be made new
I know that you don’t understand
But this is part of a greater plan
So I lay down my life for you
This is love
That had to bleed
To bring you mercy
To set you free
You are mine
I am yours
And I will wear your burdens
Just like this crown of thorns
I will take your place
I know there is no other way
I lay down my life for you
This is the moment when all will be made new
I know that you don’t understand
But this is part of a greater plan
And I lay down my life for you
Give me all your pride
Give me all your fears
Give me all your secrets
Give me all your tears
Give me all you doubt
Give me all your shame
Watch them wash away
Watch them wash away
Give me all your pride
Give me all your fears
Give me all your secrets
Give me all your tears
Give me all you doubt
Give me all your shame
Watch them wash away
In Jesus’ name
I lay down my life for you
This is the moment when all will be made new
I know that you don’t understand
But this is part of a greater plan
And I lay down my life for you
Though I know that you don’t understand
These scars are part of a greater plan
And I lay down my life for you
Arms stretched out
Upon this tree
To show true love
To set you free

The Redeemer -- Sanctus Real

Sometimes I just wanna start over
Cuz everything looks like a wreck
And I need the courage to carry on
Cuz I cant see whats ahead

And there are places Ive wished I could be
Battles Ive wanted to win
Dreams that have slipped through my hands
I may never be back again

But Im still a dreamer
A believer
Oh, I lost my faith in so many things
But I still believe in You
Cuz You can make anything new

Sometimes I just wish we could say
All the things that are easy to hear
Ignore the injustice we see
And explain every unanswered prayer
But Id rather speak honestly
And wear a tattered heart on my sleeve
Cuz in the middle of my broken dreams
Redemption is here

And Im still a dreamer
A believer
Oh, I lost my faith in so many things
But I still believe in You
Cuz You are the answer
The Redeemer
Oh, Ive given up on too many things
But Im not giving up on You
Cuz You can make anything new

I dont have every answer in life
But Im trusting You one day at a time
Cuz You can make a weak heart stay alive
Forever
And this is where heaven and earth collide
I lift my hands, I give my life
This is how my weary heart stays alive

Oh, Im still a dreamer
Still a believer
And You are the answer
The Redeemer
Cuz You can make anything new
Yeah, You can make anything new

So much complaning!!

well the first thing on my mind…
Why as christians…do we complain so much. For me…I have been finding myself complaining much more lately. Back at camp..here at home..at work…especially at work. I’m always saying how much I hate my job but trust me…I am very thankful for it! God didn’t give me a job so I can wake up every morning and dread coming here…so why not have joy and be thankful for it? Easier said than done but its a work in progress. Arbys pisses me off pretty easily sometimes…that’s for sure. By the way…I’m actually posting this from work. Break time…so I thought I would do this. But yeah. Why DO we complain so much. I mean it even says in scripture(I want to say phillipians) that we shouldn’t complain. It’s so easy though. Why won’t my hair do what I want it to do? Why can’t I lose weight? Why can’t I find a better job? Why do we do the things we do?! It’s so simple to sit there and complain and throw pity parties. Why do we rely on our friends to try to make us feel better when we all do the same sympathetic things. How about we hand them over to God…because He can do much better things and he has the true answers to your questions! So with that.. I had more but…I’m going to go back to work…and try my best to be positive. And not complain. Because let me tell you what…if I get plenty of opportunities to practice patience. :)