Change your thoughts and you change your world

So my friend let me borrow this book...and this book might be what I need to read. it's called God winks...I read half of it last night at starbucks but unfortunately they closed so I had to stop. It has stories of people who thought they could never accomplish anything..who were given the hope that they were going to fail...but after much hard work and dedication...have made it to the top. it's encouraging stories...but it talks about how it's because they had passions when they were younger...and that sparked what they are doing now.

See, when I was younger...my passion was helping people and singing..that's still what it is today...but where is it going??? Church, home, friends...but maybe it should go more extreme...somehow. So when I got home from Starbucks...I emailed the person in charge of Destiny Rescue...an organization to help end child trafficking...mainly in the areas of Thailand and Cambodia. I mean...that's extreme right? :) 

I'm tired of not being called back from jobs..or calling them and then not getting a call back "we will get back to you..." no you won't so don't get my hopes up! If there isn't a job except Arby's for me here then there has to be one somewhere else...and I want to find it..

Today I have a day off...I'm gonna try this job search thing again I guess....but first...I am going to the gym...running errands and spending time with my God..and of course getting ready for Passion...we leave Friday morning at 6:30am..

Not sure what to expect so I'm just going down with an open heart and an open mind. We'll see....I'm excited to see what God does.

I need to get to that gym ... 

"For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin--because anyone who has died has been freed from sin." --- Romans 6:6-7

So the message at church this morning from Sherry was just like...wow...hello....that's what's wrong with me!!!! I'm so involved with my SELF and worrying about ME...and God is being tossed to the side except for when it's convient for Him to be noticed. Why am I doing this??? I could say it's from friends being not so great influence in my life...yet I feel like they are making me a better person...but are they? In what way...bettering myself...but what about bettering my relationship with God? Is that happening. I honestly can't say...I feel like my life has been a constant storm lately. I'm in a constant battle of how I feel...how I look...where God wants me. I'm praying for guidance...but am I listening? I'm struggling fitting in with people at church....I constantly ask myself why don't I get treated like her? What does she have that I don't that attracts so much attention. But maybe that's it...maybe I'm worrying so much about it that I'm not worthy of having that attention. I get verbally attacked by my Mom...my dad favors my twin sister more....i spent too much time worrying way too much...comparing myself...just digging the hole myself down to rock bottom. I need to spend some much needed time with God...I am almost wondering how I got there before...

I pray everyday all day long....I read the word.....I help other people out...I thank God everyday for the job that I have that I don't particularly enjoy...so what am I doing wrong??? Am I holding onto God .. but not letting go of all my stuff at the same time? I don't know....

Passion Conference is in 5 days...and I think my heart is in for a treat...

Strong Enough- Matthew West

So for Christmas today....it started out nice...got some good gifts...spent time with my mom, sister, and her boyfriend. then lunch/dinner came around...it was going sooo good. lots of laughter and good stories...then i mentioned getting something with my refund check...because it's been something i've needed...and then my mom comes up with...i don't think so...i need 500 dollars that you owe me (from random stuff that adds up differently every time somehow) .. and then more stuff keeps coming up....before I know it I'm getting attack after attack and I don't know what else to do besides be quiet and sit there....well it has come to this..I'm sitting in my room...on Christmas Day.....I'm crying...it's calmed down from the sobbing that was there...but I'm crying....

They say honor your mother and father. I try my best and when I do I get attacked on with words. These words are engraved in my head....these words that I should believe are lies...but are they? I mean...I really could lose weight...if I were smarter I really could get a better job than Arby's...and then I could make enough money to be responsible. I mean....are they lies? Or truths that need to be said in order for me to realize what I'm really looking at in the mirror?

This video .. it was sent at me in perfect timing ... and now I'm sharing it with you....

I'm learning so much this Christmas season. I'm broke and couldn't get any presents....but I got so many from my mom and sister. And of course...that just makes me feel like a failure...but so does having a job that entitles me asking "would you like fries with that?"

I'm struggling friends.

just pray...